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    25/10/2006

    无爱。

    父亲在看新闻联播,声音断断续续地传到她的耳朵里,这让她觉得塌实。时间就这样冗长又仓促地流过去,湮没世界上所有的喜怒悲欢。她手里抓着一本新买来的书,却也是看得断断续续,有什么东西正在发生着,无法预测。她想如果这也是爱的话,她又要逃开了。她坚信着爱情可以瞬间死亡,不留痕迹地消失,如同自然规律一样平常,她不能再消耗自己所剩无几匮乏到寒碜的爱情了,她要把这残缺的爱全部留给自己,否则该如何泅渡这幻化无常的时间流域呢?她总得给自己留点儿什么。

    她总是想不起那些男孩的脸,那些模糊的面孔氤氲成淡淡的味道,偶尔嗅到了,才会想起曾经的细枝末节。她记得他们的小习惯,记得要把碗里的米粒吃干净,记得一定要摘掉隐型眼镜才可去安睡,记得出门不要忘记擦鞋,记得写“爱”字时,下面那个宝盖的撇要刻意加长,她记得那些零零碎碎,却怎么也想不起他们的脸。她想,是不是因为这些小习惯沉溺在了日常生活里,所以他们就像完成任务一样隐退了。把他们的某种痕迹刻在了她忐忑又沉静的灵魂里。

    她对自己说,我越来越不爱这个世界,越来越只爱自己。可为什么她却还在期待有那样一个人,微笑着伸出温暖的手,对她说:“抱一下好么?”    

     

     他说,抱一下好么?

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