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    12/10/2006

    旧风

     
    她每个晚上照镜子,里面总是有一个人孤单地站立着。凛冽的眉眼,苍白的嘴唇,那种被阴郁浸泡得通透的表情。她不经常笑,但笑起来的样子古灵精怪。别人说她笑的样子很好看,人一下子灵动起来。可她知道岁月不落痕迹地改变了太多事情,还怎么装做无知无觉,笑得那样无辜。
     
    她总觉得身体漏了一个洞,风就这样空落落地灌进去,缠绕着脉搏冷却了血液。所以她的手总是冰冷冷的。
     
    她饥饿。很饿很饿。于是走到路边卖清真糕点的铺子买了两块月饼,还是很早很早以前的味道,五仁馅,夹着青丝玫瑰,红的绿的,配着茶色的。她咬着那只硬邦邦的月饼,囫囵地咽下去。
    她总是这样边走路边吃东西,那样迫不及待往嘴巴里塞,她要把那个洞填上,让自己温暖起来。
     
    很久以前么?很久以前发生了太多故事。她把它们切碎了搅拌到梦境里,只字不提。只是,她再也无法安睡。她总是听到漏了洞的地方“倏倏”地响,日以继夜。她已经厌烦这样鬼鬼祟祟的声音,它把她的梦压得沉甸甸的,她再也飞不起来了。
     
    她就趴在医院的病床上写字,捕捉了记忆的碎片就仓促地记录下来。那些支离破碎的文字。那些盛大静谧的回忆。
     
    她想起好多年前,母亲做了同样的手术。她放了学背着书包去医院探望。她问母亲:“疼吗?”母亲微笑着说:“不疼。” 于是,她便相信了。她还那么小,不知道生命将以怎样疼痛隐忍的姿态绽放,在未卜的将来,开出寒淡决然的花朵。
     
    十多年后,她坐在母亲的病床前,望着她轻轻拢起的眉头,心怀感恩,不述离伤。
     
    她想起山里未走完的那条小路,她始终没找到那座被荒弃的桥。后来,隔了一个夏天的午后,有个男孩带着她把那条路走完了。荒野间空灵的静寂,荒石、杂草、丛生的荆棘,吸收了夏天潮湿燥热的味道,把干巴巴的荒芜咀嚼了扔在那里。她把那些长疯了纠缠阻拦在路中央的枝桠恨恨掰断,披荆斩棘地架势。她对他说:“这条路走得久了就会心生怨气,因为它们,”她指着地上断裂如残骸的枯枝说“它们阻碍得太久太固执,你会想报复……”
     
    其实总有尽头的,他把她带出去了,终是走错了路的,自然不见那座桥。她想它会不会孤单地呆着藤蔓丛生暗无天光的山林里,再也不会被记起。那遍布荒石杂草枯枝散漫的路横亘着,制造假象,迷惑前来寻觅的访客。他们误入歧途,与它错身而过。

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    你可不可以不这么理解
    19 Oct.
    yu panyuwrote:
    我可不可以理解你在走安妮路线??
    19 Oct.

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